I walk the road, have no hand to guide me, the cold wind is blowing in front of me, behind me and the night seems darker then before. Since I could remember its always be me vs the world, I never had anyone to stand behind me or with me and help me fight my battles. Maybe for a little while but it wasn't forever, it wasn't when I need them the most.
The stares I got in high school, the lonely days at lunch in the library, I never had someone to join me and talk to me and maybe some part of me didn't want anyone to join me but if I were to have that person anyways, I would have truly appreciate it.
To be honest, me being alone, doesn't seem so alone anymore because I'm so use to this feeling of being alienated. You wonder why I alienate people because since day one Iv always been alienated, I've always been 'that kid' and perhaps being alone makes me out to be the 'mysterious kid' but I never had choice in whether i wanted it or not.
Having no friends, spending my lunch in the library, walking the empty halls, maybe all that made me strong, maybe it showed me that people aren't really that important and you know maybe being alone all the time, now makes me stand out and perhaps that is what interests most people about me.
Usually in your life time you gain one best friend but I haven't really achieved that yet, I never had that 'best friend' who would join me when I need company or would stick up for and that right there is what makes me so different then anyone else but I never really fit in I suppose, it was always me vs the world, I never had anyone to truly trust, one that I could hang out with and speak to them when I need to speak and maybe that is the thing to set me apart from everyone else. It kinda grew me stronger as a person and now its hard for anyone to break that down, so i suppose my confidence is making a full circle and that keeps pushing people away but that's alright because in high school, Jr high school, since I was a kid, i never had anyone so now that i am done of school, needing people has now become wanting people and if i can survive the past school 12 years without having anyone to help me out, I can survive anything alone.
Point is, understanding me is very hard and that is your fault because when I was alone and I needed someone, no one was there to help me so I no longer need to open up to anyone when being upset because I fixed my own issues numerous times in the past and so when you turn your back on me and not giving me the chance I deserve because you cant 'understand me' just realize that by you doing that, your only making me more stronger mentally as a human to survive in the real world and become something big one day.
Maybe one day all this will play out in my favor and one day I will get that friend who doesn't leave my side, who sticks with me threw anything, who takes my hand and doesn't let go and that is the day I will continue to wait for, its the day I've always been waiting for but the truth is, I've already died (mentally) and I managed to learn to live again by myself and become stronger as a person by myself and the thing is, I don't need to worry anymore about losing myself and dying because you cant kill someone who already died.
VIA: S&SS
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