The sun was way high as we walked on the wharf, enjoying the scenery. We spoke about many thing, like the color of my shirt, to guilty pleasures, to love and religion. I thought right then, I could do this forever with this girl, be in her presence and speak about foolish things.
I once wrote a post about her before, like how I never took that chance with her and always stood there watching other guy(s) take chances with her, I guess I was kinda afraid but back then, I hardly recognize myself, I am not that person I was back then.
I thought maybe this time I would take the leap, make a jump for it and hope for the best and at first it was rocky, not sure which way to go. Should I take a chance this time and let her into my life? i mean why not, it seem like I could speak to her about everything and anything so I took that leap and I guess it never got to the relationship part but I did do something, i haven’t before….
You know, everyone has secrets, and secrets are the things you cherish, perhaps you keep them close to your heart and when you feel its necessary to open up, you would think it would be worth it. I have this secret, not many people know, only like two or maybe three at the most, so I have never really told anyone my secret before and on that day when me and her were walking on the wharf, I felt like there was a bond that was maybe ‘unbreakable’ but perhaps I fooled myself, but it didn’t feel like I did on that day because I told her my secret and she being the very first person I opened up to about my personal secret, some part of me trusted her, why so soon? I don’t know why but I told her my secret, I told her the reasons to why I keep to myself, I told her why I don’t ever fully open up, I told her why I pushed her away those many years ago and as the day ended, I felt like our bond became something special.
Weeks passed and it went down hill from that, I did something I regret, which would be considered ‘cheating’ in a relationship but me and her weren’t in a relationship so don’t get me wrong, I would never cheat..but I was maybe waiting for her to make up her mind of what she wanted to do and I waited and I guess that’s when I made that little error but honestly, I felt bad, I beat myself up for it and I apologized to her (even though I didn’t have to). At the end of it all, me baring my fucking soul and secrets to this girl and waiting for her and apologizing to her multiple times, she has the need to tell me that the bond we had was a waste of time? Me telling her my secrets was a waste of time?
I guess me keeping my distance all those years was my brain telling me that she isn’t worth it and you know, she totally isn’t and she isn’t even worth to have her name written in this. Maybe if this was back then and I opened up to her and she did the same thing..yes I would be hurt, broken and I would guard myself for eternity but like I said, I am not the person I was back then because now I am a stronger person and instead of letting her get the best of me, I will rise above this nameless girl and hope that maybe one day karma comes around and bites her on the ass. Its only common sense?.
VIA: S&SS
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