You Want The Truth? You Want Honesty? Be My Guest.

This morning at 12 am, i was feeling down, beaten, and used, my emotions got the best of me, my emotions ate me up and spit me out.
You may think you know me, you may even think you understand me, hell you may think you have me figured out but how do you figure something out when you dont know the whole story to it?
So I need to get this out, i need to vent, i need this out, even if it sounds emo as fuck, i need this out.
It started a couple months ago, I'll say September, but today, i felt like i needed to say something, to scream something.
Today in school, i realized i dont fit in with anyone anymore, maybe its cause i found a lot of peoples behaviors in the school immature and childish or im just not fitting in all together anymore, i mean, i use to trust a lot, now i cant even seem to trust myself, and its like where ever i go, i dont fit in, i try to but i never do, whether the other person is nice to me or just plain sarcastic, i cannot fit in and trust them, and i mean its kind of a good thing but, i guess all my life i always had trouble of fitting in, or maybe its just me.
I just feel rather alone in the friend department, i dont wanna go to school cause, i cant even concentrate cause everything makes me so god dam mad, and it could be the students of the school but i just hate that i have to share the atmosphere with people, id never trust and its uncomfortable, so i play the roll as a cocky self centered person, just so i wouldn't have to deal with anyone socializing with me, like some days i dont even want to speak to anyone and its getting pretty often now. I dont wanna talk to anyone, and i dont want anyone to talk to me but i also wanna enjoy my time here while it last but even then, im still alienating everyone which leads me to having no one to speak to, or trust. Its like me vs the world at this very moment.
Iv been single, alone, by myself for a year and 5 months, that means, i haven't really trusted a lot of people here, nor have i actually loved anyone for while. Part of me is just plain sick of getting tossed around and basically just used as someone to speak to, i wanna be more then that cause i miss that comfort.
The day people stop treating me like shit is the day ill be able to open up but it still doesn't defeat the fact that, iv been rather alone, in my own world, not socializing for a while and that shit could kill anyone, yet im still here.
Right now, my state of mind, is not 100 percent there.
I just stopped caring about what i need when really, what i need is someone i can trust for good, and be cute with, hold there hand real tight, when i need it...
Thats all.
Belive it.