How do you write something and not exactly know where to start, all these words are in your head and you wanna put them on paper but its just words, words is all it is. ‘loneliness’, ‘alienation’, ‘broken’, ‘out of place’, there just words that doesn’t mean much if it was only one but lets just say its all of them in one emotion. How do you fix that? Maybe I did this to myself and maybe this started when I hid away in my shell but why must I continue to feel like this.
It doesn’t make sense, I look for answers only to get questions and I never get those damn answers. I am just bombarded with feeling like this..sure I can stay positive but really that only goes so far. Isolation is what it feels like, I feel isolated from this place and even if I scream loud enough it doesn’t break that ice that is frozen me out of place.
Its like, I need to drink to fit in and throw on a fake smile and “join in” but you know really, I just don’t feel like I fit in here, I cant, I tried so many times and only ended up disappointing myself making me realize I am probably an alien from mars. Everyday is the same thing and every day I hang my head lower and upset at myself that something is wrong with me, wrong with how I think and look.
This isn’t a sympathy entry cause not even your mere sympathy could help me. This is me coming face to face with the truth, its me realizing that there is only the one in a million who actually understands me and I’m not even looking for them.
Everyday I like to assume it will be a good day, I rock my fake smile and keep assuming that everyday will be good day as my heart glows with pride but everyday I realize I cant fit in and I realize I am out of place. After a while my pride withers away until it is just my heart beating and beating, only to keep me alive.
I may not be a lion and after all, I may not even have a heart of one, as it lingers in its place, beating for that one in a million, only beating for hope.
VIA: S&SS
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