Hope is a hard thing to find and an easy thing to let go of. I wake up everyday wanting to find hope and happiness in people, kinda like I'm a drug addicted looking to get high but of course I would met someone and for that little bit that there in my life I do feel high with happiness, kinda like nothing can go wrong and I have my one friend to depend on but that high only lasts for a little bit and I'm always broken at the end when they seem like they should walk away from my trust and friendship.
The thing I cant quite fathom is that, when I meet someone I know I would never turn my back on them..so why does it keep happening to me. I may as well be tied up to a tree and have rocks thrown at me. I am a fool for letting people get inside my head and have them walk on me in the end and yet every time a new friend comes around I look for the best in them and I always assume there 'different' and that they would never do such a rude act and leave me behind but everyone ends up doing that andevery time I feel like an idiot.
Here I am, broken and I have the smallest positivity running in me but sometimes its hard to be positive and move on when I cant even rely on myself to make good choices and meet the 'right' people. Maybe its cause I'm a good person and I deserve a chance so I think everyone deserves a chance and I give those chances out like free coupons and all I get in return is someone who does not live up to there word and walks on me like I am there ground.
You would think I would learn my lesson and yet maybe I did or do but just maybe I should show my rude side, push people away, show them that they will have to fight hard to get my respect and loyalty if they want to be my friend. The thing is though, itdoesn't matter what I tell myself, it doesn't matter if I remind myself to keep my distance or not trust anyone because I always end up doing that, I always see good in people and I cant change how I think, like I saidI'm an addict looking for a drug to make me high and when I meet someone who I think I can trust, I get high with happiness and that's something I enjoy, knowing that I have someone I can trust for only that little bit of time.
I'm a fool perhaps and maybe I do wear my heart on my sleeve, maybe I like to see the good in everyone and maybe I will wake up one day with a new agenda to push people away but perhaps all this is something to make me stronger. Problem is, is that the high I look for in people is almost died out, I am not excited to meet someone as much as I would have been years ago because I know that person will let me down, everyone lets everyone down, so sooner or later I will have to fend for myself rather then rely on someone to be there for me. I'm use to this lonely stuff though.
I will fall but I know at the end of the day I will pick myself up and fight...with the heart still intact on my sleeve.
VIA: S&SS
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